Eating disorders make lots of victims among people nowadays. The persons suffering from these conditions are exposed to many threats, developing obsessions with food and experiencing changes in their behavior. Eating disorders are a sort of mental illnesses that seriously affect the health and the lifestyle of the persons who suffer from them. People with eating disorders usually feel depressed, tired, anxious and confused. Eating disorders lead to severe mental and physical damage, making people susceptible to malign behaviors and activities.
Anorexia Nervosa (anorexia) and Bulimia Nervosa (bulimia) are considered to be the most common and dangerous eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia both involve obsessions with food and a constant fear of gaining weight. The differences between anorexia and bulimia, however, are related to the body weight and the behavior of people who deal with their effects.
Anorexia involves a constant desire to be thin, regardless of how much the persons actually weighs. People who suffer from anorexia have a distorted perception of their physical appearance, always feeling that they are fat. No matter how much effort they may sustain in order to lose weight, the persons with anorexia are never appeased with their accomplishments. Anorexics are usually a lot thinner than bulimics. People with anorexia usually have a strong will, eat very little food, respect drastic diets and carefully count the calories of their meals.
Bulimia involves several different eating habits. People who suffer from bulimia may eat very little food for some periods of time and then eat large amounts of food instead. However, despite the great deal of food they eat at once, bulimics make sure to get rid of it from their system. The persons who suffer from bulimia purge the food from their bodies by vomiting or by taking laxatives and diuretics. They also exercise a lot in order to burn the food they consume.
Both anorexia and bulimia can lead to internal complications and even death from malnourishment. Anorexia and bulimia, as well as other eating disorders can be treated but it is very important to act quickly when dealing with this sort of illnesses.
Anorexia and bulimia affect people regardless of their age or sex. However, girls and young women are more exposed to developing eating disorders, especially due to their permanent preoccupation with their looks. Studies indicate that around one percent of young women and girls suffer from anorexia, while two percent are confronted with bulimia. The number of male persons suffering from anorexia exceeds the percentage of female persons affected by the same illness. The percentage of male people with anorexia is somewhere around five percent or more.
Despite the fact that anorexia and bulimia has attracted the attention of many scientists and psychiatrists lately, the performed studies haven?t yet clarified the causes of anorexia and bulimia. Although it is thought that eating disorders are exclusively of psychological nature, appearing on the background of emotional instability and depression, there is also the possibility that some eating disorders might be developed due to some physical predispositions.
Anorexia and bulimia can be prevented by eating properly, respecting an appropriate eating schedule and by making improvements in your lifestyle. You should learn to take better care of your body and to be content and appeased with your physical appearance. Good self-esteem and self-respect are very important in the prevention of eating disorders.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Spotting the Signs of Anorexia
Eating disorders are dangerous illnesses that affect both physical and mental health. More and more people become the victims of eating disorders nowadays. A disturbing fact is that eating disorders such as anorexia (Anorexia Nervosa) and bulimia (Bulimia Nervosa) have high mortality rates. Around ten percent of people with anorexia die from starvation and malnourishment.
The persons with anorexia usually deny the facts of being confronted with a problem. They start by feeling constrained by their body weight and physical appearance and then end up by developing obsessions with food, weight and staying thin. They indulge in harmful behaviors, carefully portioning and restricting the amount of food they consume. People with anorexia also have a false perception of their body image, living with the permanent impression that they are fat, even if they are underweight.
Anorexia, just like other eating disorders can be treated. However, in order to overcome the illness, people with anorexia need all the help they can get. Although at first they may refuse any kind of intervention from the exterior, it is important to encourage them and to provide them with care and support. In order to prevent and to overcome anorexia, it is vital to keep an eye on its signs. If you suspect that someone you know may be suffering from such an eating disorder, it is very important to know the signs of anorexia.
The signs of anorexia are usually easy to identify, due to dramatic changes in physical aspect and behavior. The most obvious sign of anorexia is inappropriate body weight. Most anorexics weigh a lot less than they should. The persons with anorexia are constantly preoccupied with their weight, the amount of calories contained by the food they consume and with keeping drastic diets. Anorexics tend to bring issues regarding food and body weight into discussion in every conversation. They sometimes do it unknowingly, due to their need of expressing their obsessive, troubling thoughts.
Other signs of anorexia are excessive physical activities like jogging or work outs. Also, people with anorexia tend to isolate themselves from the world and they refuse to participate in many activities due to their complexions of being fat and repulsive. Anxiety, agitation and even violent impulses are also signs of anorexia.
Women and girls that suffer from anorexia experience irregular menstrual periods. Low body weight and menstrual problems or infertility are obvious signs of anorexia in girls.
Anorexics usually have unpredictable reactions and they quickly jump from one mood to another. They may appear to be relaxed and calm at one moment, while the next moment they may burst into tears. Emotional instability is therefore another sign of anorexia.
Other signs of anorexia are unusual hair loss, internal disturbances like stomachaches, burns or constipation, migraines, low blood pressure, unstable body temperature, heart problems and dehydration.
Keep in mind that in order to prevent an anorexic from causing further damage to oneself you should quickly spot the presence of the disorder by paying attention to the signs of anorexia.
The persons with anorexia usually deny the facts of being confronted with a problem. They start by feeling constrained by their body weight and physical appearance and then end up by developing obsessions with food, weight and staying thin. They indulge in harmful behaviors, carefully portioning and restricting the amount of food they consume. People with anorexia also have a false perception of their body image, living with the permanent impression that they are fat, even if they are underweight.
Anorexia, just like other eating disorders can be treated. However, in order to overcome the illness, people with anorexia need all the help they can get. Although at first they may refuse any kind of intervention from the exterior, it is important to encourage them and to provide them with care and support. In order to prevent and to overcome anorexia, it is vital to keep an eye on its signs. If you suspect that someone you know may be suffering from such an eating disorder, it is very important to know the signs of anorexia.
The signs of anorexia are usually easy to identify, due to dramatic changes in physical aspect and behavior. The most obvious sign of anorexia is inappropriate body weight. Most anorexics weigh a lot less than they should. The persons with anorexia are constantly preoccupied with their weight, the amount of calories contained by the food they consume and with keeping drastic diets. Anorexics tend to bring issues regarding food and body weight into discussion in every conversation. They sometimes do it unknowingly, due to their need of expressing their obsessive, troubling thoughts.
Other signs of anorexia are excessive physical activities like jogging or work outs. Also, people with anorexia tend to isolate themselves from the world and they refuse to participate in many activities due to their complexions of being fat and repulsive. Anxiety, agitation and even violent impulses are also signs of anorexia.
Women and girls that suffer from anorexia experience irregular menstrual periods. Low body weight and menstrual problems or infertility are obvious signs of anorexia in girls.
Anorexics usually have unpredictable reactions and they quickly jump from one mood to another. They may appear to be relaxed and calm at one moment, while the next moment they may burst into tears. Emotional instability is therefore another sign of anorexia.
Other signs of anorexia are unusual hair loss, internal disturbances like stomachaches, burns or constipation, migraines, low blood pressure, unstable body temperature, heart problems and dehydration.
Keep in mind that in order to prevent an anorexic from causing further damage to oneself you should quickly spot the presence of the disorder by paying attention to the signs of anorexia.
Tips on Spotting Anorexia Symptoms
Anorexia is considered to be a serious illness that can even lead to death. Anorexia symptoms should be identified quickly in order to stop it from causing further damage to affected persons. Anorexia symptoms are usually easy to notice, as the disorder causes both physical and psychical changes. Once anorexia symptoms are confirmed, the patient needs to follow an appropriate treatment, involving therapy and a period of physical recovery.
The most important anorexia symptoms are dramatic changes in physical appearance caused by inappropriate eating (usually people who suffer from anorexia have a lower body weight than the average), obsession with body weight, calories, food and exercise, the refuse of eating normal amounts of food, irregular meals, attempts of replacing food with coffee, caffeine-based beverages and diet pills, unusual eating habits and rituals (playing with food, avoiding to swallow food or throwing it away).
People with anorexia have a strong will and keep drastic diets in order to lose weight. Some of them eat less food than their bodies require and often even refuse to eat at all. There are moments when anorexics eat large quantities of food during a single meal, only to later purge it out of their system by vomiting or using laxatives and diuretics.
An interesting aspect in the behavior of people with anorexia is the distorted perception of their own bodies. Even if they are actually underweight, anorexics still consider themselves to be fat. Also, they are never content with how much weight they lose, always trying to become thinner.
Anorexia symptoms include dizziness, lack of concentration, migraines, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, depression and loneliness. Persons with anorexia isolate themselves from the world, fearing that they won?t be understood by other people. Although they usually refuse any kind of social interaction, deep inside they long for acceptance and guidance. Anorexics experience considerable drops of self-esteem and self-respect and develop feelings of unworthiness. They often complain about their physical appearance, always considering themselves to be fat.
Women and girls who suffer from anorexia experience hormonal imbalances. Due to the lack of vital nutrients, their bodies produce less estrogen than usual, causing irregular menstruation. Sometimes menstrual periods even stop completely in the case of female anorexics that indulge in abstinence from food. Anorexia also affects the fertility of women and girls, reducing their chances of remaining pregnant. Hormonal imbalances also cause bone deterioration, leading to osteoporosis. Women and girls with anorexia have weak bones, teeth problems and fragile fingernails.
Other anorexia symptoms are low blood pressure, irregular heart activity, low body temperature due to bad circulation of the blood, muscular rigidity and abdominal cramps.
People who suffer from anorexia or other eating disorders expose themselves to a lot of dangers. Inappropriate eating and exhausting physical exercises seriously weaken the immune system of persons with anorexia, making them vulnerable to many diseases. It is very important to spot the signs of anorexia before it is too late. Although anorexics deny having a problem, they should be aware of the dangers they expose themselves to and they should be provided with advice, help and support in order to overcome their illness.
The most important anorexia symptoms are dramatic changes in physical appearance caused by inappropriate eating (usually people who suffer from anorexia have a lower body weight than the average), obsession with body weight, calories, food and exercise, the refuse of eating normal amounts of food, irregular meals, attempts of replacing food with coffee, caffeine-based beverages and diet pills, unusual eating habits and rituals (playing with food, avoiding to swallow food or throwing it away).
People with anorexia have a strong will and keep drastic diets in order to lose weight. Some of them eat less food than their bodies require and often even refuse to eat at all. There are moments when anorexics eat large quantities of food during a single meal, only to later purge it out of their system by vomiting or using laxatives and diuretics.
An interesting aspect in the behavior of people with anorexia is the distorted perception of their own bodies. Even if they are actually underweight, anorexics still consider themselves to be fat. Also, they are never content with how much weight they lose, always trying to become thinner.
Anorexia symptoms include dizziness, lack of concentration, migraines, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, depression and loneliness. Persons with anorexia isolate themselves from the world, fearing that they won?t be understood by other people. Although they usually refuse any kind of social interaction, deep inside they long for acceptance and guidance. Anorexics experience considerable drops of self-esteem and self-respect and develop feelings of unworthiness. They often complain about their physical appearance, always considering themselves to be fat.
Women and girls who suffer from anorexia experience hormonal imbalances. Due to the lack of vital nutrients, their bodies produce less estrogen than usual, causing irregular menstruation. Sometimes menstrual periods even stop completely in the case of female anorexics that indulge in abstinence from food. Anorexia also affects the fertility of women and girls, reducing their chances of remaining pregnant. Hormonal imbalances also cause bone deterioration, leading to osteoporosis. Women and girls with anorexia have weak bones, teeth problems and fragile fingernails.
Other anorexia symptoms are low blood pressure, irregular heart activity, low body temperature due to bad circulation of the blood, muscular rigidity and abdominal cramps.
People who suffer from anorexia or other eating disorders expose themselves to a lot of dangers. Inappropriate eating and exhausting physical exercises seriously weaken the immune system of persons with anorexia, making them vulnerable to many diseases. It is very important to spot the signs of anorexia before it is too late. Although anorexics deny having a problem, they should be aware of the dangers they expose themselves to and they should be provided with advice, help and support in order to overcome their illness.
Body Image: Living in Our Bodies
I have yet to meet a woman who, at some point in her life, has not felt discomfort with the size or appearance of some aspect of her body. A woman does not have to be anorexic or bulimic to dislike her body or struggle with what she eats. The fact that there are vast numbers of women who are critical about their bodies and have an uneasy relationship with food is simply not captured by statistics, which invariably refer to the problems of anorexia and bulimia. The tendency to focus on eating disorders does not do justice to the pain and turmoil of the many additional women who struggle with what to eat, deny themselves food, or overeat.
Anorexia and bulimia are serious health problems and should not be minimized. But, there are thousands of women who do not fit these categories for whom eating is an emotionally laden issue and a health problem as well. Most women have had some form of dysfunctional relationship with food in their lifetime. Who hasn't gone on a diet, eaten too much for emotional reasons, or worried about how much they weigh? While on the surface this may not seem problematic, particularly when these issues are often the subject of everyday conversations with other women, it does reflect an insecurity about our bodies and a stressful relationship with food.
Having issues with our body and food can range from a woman worrying about her weight and what to eat once in awhile, to, on the other end of the continuum, worrying every moment of every day. The pain some women carry around about their bodies and food can be devastating, and is fuelled by seemingly innocent conversations about weight, dieting and the size of women’s breasts, thighs, and stomaches.
Take Maria, for example. Every morning when she wakes up, she mentally goes over the 'flaws' of her body, wondering how she can slim her belly even further, how she can take the pounds off her bum, and what she can wear to slim her body. She mentally skims through the clothes she owns, wishing she had something that would make her body look better, to look less 'fat.' She wonders whether or not she should eat breakfast, exactly what she can put into her body, how many calories the meal would have and how much exercise she'd have to do to burn off those calories.
Maria frequently compares herself to other women's bodies; women she meets and knows and women she sees in the media. In her mind, her body always fall short. She doesn't believe it when people tell her she looks good. In fact, when someone tells her that she looks like she has lost weight, she 'feels fat' and tries even harder to lose weight. But, she doesn't starve herself, or make herself throw up, although she thinks she should.
Heather, on the other hand, doesn't think regularly about what she eats, but does think she should lose some weight. She doesn't like her body and wishes she could be thinner. She has tried many diets but with no long term success. She wishes her body could be different, but has 'resigned' herself to being this size. She feels guilty and ashamed that she doesn't have more control, and believes that her body size means that she is 'lazy.' On bad days, both Heather and Maria buy lots of junk food and eat it, at home, alone without paying attention to the fact that they are eating. Both women 'feel fat,' out of control, and ashamed of themselves afterwards and sometimes for the next day or more. The next day, Maria responds by clamping down hard with a diet, maybe skipping a meal, and while Heather may watch what she eats, she continues much the same. Both women feel ashamed of themselves and profoundly depressed, although not necessarily visibly.
These feelings of inadequacy and shame that both Maria and Heather have about their bodies and what they eat, and that so many women experience to one degree or another, is created and fuelled in a society that places more value on how women look than on what we think, feel or contribute. Women's physical attractiveness is such a big issue, particularly in the dominant white culture, that girls as young as seven years old are dieting.
Given society's obsession with appearances, particularly women's, it's no surprise then that many women believe that by changing their bodies, they can change their lives. But, this only makes matters worse. The more we focus on changing our body, the more we will feel like a failure, disappointed at our lack of success or control, and ashamed, anxious and insecure that our body doesn't look the way that we want it to. This inevitably takes us further and further away from our deeper self, leaving us feeling unsatisfied, lost, irritable, angry and depressed.
The challenge for all of us is to be ourselves, and to be in our bodies. When we live in our bodies, feel our feelings, and know our own perspective, we can't help but feel more connected and at peace with ourselves. When we judge our bodies we are taking an 'outsider' view, when what we really need is to learn how to live inside our bodies.
Finding a quiet place, taking a few deep breaths, and tuning in to how you feel is a good place to begin. Doing this for short periods of time each day, or as regularly as you can, increases your ability to do this more naturally. Everyone needs to find their own way of going inward. For some it is writing in a journal, meditating, yoga, dance, talking to other people, joining a support group, therapy, taking a bath, or getting a massage. Anything that assists you to focus inward and to connect with how you feel in your body, not how your body looks, is helpful.
Whichever route you take to connect more deeply with yourself is your choice. Try not to get discouraged if at first you don't feel any changes, it may take some time and there are other methods to try. There are some excellent exercises in Marcia Hutchinson’s book, 200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, that you can try. Remember there are probably a number of reasons why food and body image are issues for you. The process of feeling better about yourself may feel like a slow and long one, but definitely well worth the journey.
Recommended Readings:
200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, by Marcia Hutchinson.
Transforming Body Image: Learning to Love the Body You Have, by Marcia Hutchinson
When Food is Love, by Geneen Roth. All of Geneen Roth’s books are excellent!
Kali Munro, 2000.
http://www.KaliMunro.com
Kali Munro, M.Ed., is a psychotherapist in private practice with twenty years experience. She offers free healing resources at her site, http://www.KaliMunro.com
Anorexia and bulimia are serious health problems and should not be minimized. But, there are thousands of women who do not fit these categories for whom eating is an emotionally laden issue and a health problem as well. Most women have had some form of dysfunctional relationship with food in their lifetime. Who hasn't gone on a diet, eaten too much for emotional reasons, or worried about how much they weigh? While on the surface this may not seem problematic, particularly when these issues are often the subject of everyday conversations with other women, it does reflect an insecurity about our bodies and a stressful relationship with food.
Having issues with our body and food can range from a woman worrying about her weight and what to eat once in awhile, to, on the other end of the continuum, worrying every moment of every day. The pain some women carry around about their bodies and food can be devastating, and is fuelled by seemingly innocent conversations about weight, dieting and the size of women’s breasts, thighs, and stomaches.
Take Maria, for example. Every morning when she wakes up, she mentally goes over the 'flaws' of her body, wondering how she can slim her belly even further, how she can take the pounds off her bum, and what she can wear to slim her body. She mentally skims through the clothes she owns, wishing she had something that would make her body look better, to look less 'fat.' She wonders whether or not she should eat breakfast, exactly what she can put into her body, how many calories the meal would have and how much exercise she'd have to do to burn off those calories.
Maria frequently compares herself to other women's bodies; women she meets and knows and women she sees in the media. In her mind, her body always fall short. She doesn't believe it when people tell her she looks good. In fact, when someone tells her that she looks like she has lost weight, she 'feels fat' and tries even harder to lose weight. But, she doesn't starve herself, or make herself throw up, although she thinks she should.
Heather, on the other hand, doesn't think regularly about what she eats, but does think she should lose some weight. She doesn't like her body and wishes she could be thinner. She has tried many diets but with no long term success. She wishes her body could be different, but has 'resigned' herself to being this size. She feels guilty and ashamed that she doesn't have more control, and believes that her body size means that she is 'lazy.' On bad days, both Heather and Maria buy lots of junk food and eat it, at home, alone without paying attention to the fact that they are eating. Both women 'feel fat,' out of control, and ashamed of themselves afterwards and sometimes for the next day or more. The next day, Maria responds by clamping down hard with a diet, maybe skipping a meal, and while Heather may watch what she eats, she continues much the same. Both women feel ashamed of themselves and profoundly depressed, although not necessarily visibly.
These feelings of inadequacy and shame that both Maria and Heather have about their bodies and what they eat, and that so many women experience to one degree or another, is created and fuelled in a society that places more value on how women look than on what we think, feel or contribute. Women's physical attractiveness is such a big issue, particularly in the dominant white culture, that girls as young as seven years old are dieting.
Given society's obsession with appearances, particularly women's, it's no surprise then that many women believe that by changing their bodies, they can change their lives. But, this only makes matters worse. The more we focus on changing our body, the more we will feel like a failure, disappointed at our lack of success or control, and ashamed, anxious and insecure that our body doesn't look the way that we want it to. This inevitably takes us further and further away from our deeper self, leaving us feeling unsatisfied, lost, irritable, angry and depressed.
The challenge for all of us is to be ourselves, and to be in our bodies. When we live in our bodies, feel our feelings, and know our own perspective, we can't help but feel more connected and at peace with ourselves. When we judge our bodies we are taking an 'outsider' view, when what we really need is to learn how to live inside our bodies.
Finding a quiet place, taking a few deep breaths, and tuning in to how you feel is a good place to begin. Doing this for short periods of time each day, or as regularly as you can, increases your ability to do this more naturally. Everyone needs to find their own way of going inward. For some it is writing in a journal, meditating, yoga, dance, talking to other people, joining a support group, therapy, taking a bath, or getting a massage. Anything that assists you to focus inward and to connect with how you feel in your body, not how your body looks, is helpful.
Whichever route you take to connect more deeply with yourself is your choice. Try not to get discouraged if at first you don't feel any changes, it may take some time and there are other methods to try. There are some excellent exercises in Marcia Hutchinson’s book, 200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, that you can try. Remember there are probably a number of reasons why food and body image are issues for you. The process of feeling better about yourself may feel like a slow and long one, but definitely well worth the journey.
Recommended Readings:
200 Ways To Love The Body You Have, by Marcia Hutchinson.
Transforming Body Image: Learning to Love the Body You Have, by Marcia Hutchinson
When Food is Love, by Geneen Roth. All of Geneen Roth’s books are excellent!
Kali Munro, 2000.
http://www.KaliMunro.com
Kali Munro, M.Ed., is a psychotherapist in private practice with twenty years experience. She offers free healing resources at her site, http://www.KaliMunro.com
Americas Perfect Body Syndrome
How media is sabotaging young women and how they view their bodies
"I just want to look like a model. I wish my thighs would shrink," said my 20-something gym partner as we sweated on the Stairmaster. The words echo in my ears. She is a cute, fun-loving girl (who doesn’t have big hips) and who aspires to look like the next Kate Moss.
Why do young women put themselves through the body beat-up agony? I hear young girls "ooh" and "ahh" over the Milleniums top teen pop stars such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. Their blonde manes flipping around the stage, flat stomachs pierced and tattooed, and belting out seductive, sexy songs about love lost. These female pop singers are the role models that are shaping the body images and the minds of young women today. They scrutinize butts, hips, thighs, stomachs, and cellulite and in the process, they forget who they are beyond the flesh.
My curiosity about young women’s body images began when I read Reviving Ophelia in college. It opened my eyes to the hellish nightmare that adolescent women have endured over the years regarding their body image. The book described the gamut of disorders ranging from anorexia/bulimia to young women cutting their own flesh. Why are these disorders happening?
I've read online teen message boards and I was shocked to find questions from young girls asking each other about weight issues. The consensus of young girls (ranging in ages from twelve to fourteen) agreed that a five-foot teen female weighing 119 pounds was considered "fat". I admit asking my mom if my plaid Catholic school uniform skirt made my butt look big, but this is ridiculous. What compels young women to feel and think this way and whom do we blame?
Young women are overstimulated. They are technologically raped and bombarded with the "perfect" body image syndrome. Lets take a look at television: Reality television shows such as Joe Millionaire and The Bachelorette and MTVs The Real World show young, nubile, anorexic-looking women prancing around luxurious homes in unrealistic, fairy-tale Princess scenarios surrounded by studly, well-muscled Fabio-wannabes. Hmm, maybe if my body looks like her I can be on Joe Millionaire and maybe Ethan will pick me and make me his wife. Get real! Then we have the Internet where information about female teen idols, beauty, and fashion can be instantaneously found with just a click of the button. Young women drive down the street and see advertisements on billboards for The Gap and Abercrombie & Fitch, featuring waif-like models with boyish, coat-rack-thin bodies.Products are marketed to young girlsbuy this lipstick and it will make your lips sexy like this years top fashion model. Buy this crop top and the boys will love how it shows off your flat, sexy midriff.
Messages targeted to young women via the electronic or print media scream "YOU MUST HAVE A PERFECT BODY!" I was appalled when I was flipping through a recent health and fitness magazine aimed at women: There was an article about how a woman struggled to overcome her body and weight problems. On the opposite page, there was an ad for a clothes designer with perfectly poised size 0 models staring vacantly. I was disappointed with the magazine. How do we, as women, break this fascination with the perfect body image? I don’t know if we can.
Over the years, American culture has disseminated dichotomous messages regarding the female body image. We had the flapper in the 20s with her taped down bosom to the curvaceous, sex pot Marilyn Monroe in the 50s to the anorexic Twiggy 70s look and back again to the anorexic look. The 80s and 90s brought an onslaught of eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Even Jayne Fonda, fitness guru, admitted to the world that she was an anorexic and bulimic. To look beautiful means to be skinny and in the process starve yourself to death. These young women are influenced by what they see and learn by examplethey watch the Real World, they buy fashion and music magazines, and they peruse the Internet. Its not their fault. Its the fault of Body Beautiful America where 119 pounds is considered fat.
About the Author
Therese Pope is a non-profiteer fundraiser by day and a freelance writer and poet by night. Her works have been published in various e-zines and literary anthologies. She is a yoga fiend with a penchant for writing with latte in hand. She resides in Sacramento, Calif.
"I just want to look like a model. I wish my thighs would shrink," said my 20-something gym partner as we sweated on the Stairmaster. The words echo in my ears. She is a cute, fun-loving girl (who doesn’t have big hips) and who aspires to look like the next Kate Moss.
Why do young women put themselves through the body beat-up agony? I hear young girls "ooh" and "ahh" over the Milleniums top teen pop stars such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. Their blonde manes flipping around the stage, flat stomachs pierced and tattooed, and belting out seductive, sexy songs about love lost. These female pop singers are the role models that are shaping the body images and the minds of young women today. They scrutinize butts, hips, thighs, stomachs, and cellulite and in the process, they forget who they are beyond the flesh.
My curiosity about young women’s body images began when I read Reviving Ophelia in college. It opened my eyes to the hellish nightmare that adolescent women have endured over the years regarding their body image. The book described the gamut of disorders ranging from anorexia/bulimia to young women cutting their own flesh. Why are these disorders happening?
I've read online teen message boards and I was shocked to find questions from young girls asking each other about weight issues. The consensus of young girls (ranging in ages from twelve to fourteen) agreed that a five-foot teen female weighing 119 pounds was considered "fat". I admit asking my mom if my plaid Catholic school uniform skirt made my butt look big, but this is ridiculous. What compels young women to feel and think this way and whom do we blame?
Young women are overstimulated. They are technologically raped and bombarded with the "perfect" body image syndrome. Lets take a look at television: Reality television shows such as Joe Millionaire and The Bachelorette and MTVs The Real World show young, nubile, anorexic-looking women prancing around luxurious homes in unrealistic, fairy-tale Princess scenarios surrounded by studly, well-muscled Fabio-wannabes. Hmm, maybe if my body looks like her I can be on Joe Millionaire and maybe Ethan will pick me and make me his wife. Get real! Then we have the Internet where information about female teen idols, beauty, and fashion can be instantaneously found with just a click of the button. Young women drive down the street and see advertisements on billboards for The Gap and Abercrombie & Fitch, featuring waif-like models with boyish, coat-rack-thin bodies.Products are marketed to young girlsbuy this lipstick and it will make your lips sexy like this years top fashion model. Buy this crop top and the boys will love how it shows off your flat, sexy midriff.
Messages targeted to young women via the electronic or print media scream "YOU MUST HAVE A PERFECT BODY!" I was appalled when I was flipping through a recent health and fitness magazine aimed at women: There was an article about how a woman struggled to overcome her body and weight problems. On the opposite page, there was an ad for a clothes designer with perfectly poised size 0 models staring vacantly. I was disappointed with the magazine. How do we, as women, break this fascination with the perfect body image? I don’t know if we can.
Over the years, American culture has disseminated dichotomous messages regarding the female body image. We had the flapper in the 20s with her taped down bosom to the curvaceous, sex pot Marilyn Monroe in the 50s to the anorexic Twiggy 70s look and back again to the anorexic look. The 80s and 90s brought an onslaught of eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Even Jayne Fonda, fitness guru, admitted to the world that she was an anorexic and bulimic. To look beautiful means to be skinny and in the process starve yourself to death. These young women are influenced by what they see and learn by examplethey watch the Real World, they buy fashion and music magazines, and they peruse the Internet. Its not their fault. Its the fault of Body Beautiful America where 119 pounds is considered fat.
About the Author
Therese Pope is a non-profiteer fundraiser by day and a freelance writer and poet by night. Her works have been published in various e-zines and literary anthologies. She is a yoga fiend with a penchant for writing with latte in hand. She resides in Sacramento, Calif.
THE LOVE PYRAMID - Mini Courses Ville
We must insist on this right here -- up front. As St. Paul and many other brilliant scholars of the human condition told us, a satisfying life must combine faith, hope and love -- with the greatest element of all being love. Certainly we have found nothing that even remotely takes the place of love in our lives and our relationships with each other, our children, their children and their children's kids. With love, virtually everything falls into place. Without love, nothing fits well into the mosaic of a meaningful life. Also, after everything else you can say about humans -- after discussing the personality patterns, life-themes, values, attitudes and expectations we write about, we agree with psychological great -- Carl Rogers and with John the Beloved Disciple. There are only two kinds of people in the world. The two are not black and white, rich and poor or even male and female, as much as we appreciate that last arrangement that seems especially created for our benefit. There are only persons who are capable of loving others and persons who do not love anyone except those who in one way or another contribute something of value to themselves. We are all on a continuum from one extreme to the other; another; there really are only the two options. And may God have mercy on your soul if you connect with one of the loveless persons when you are young and nave - and having said that, we must also report that the opposite of love is not hate. Hate is an entirely different emotion that is much more complicated than love. The opposite of love is simply -- indifference -- not caring what happens to another person, family, congregation, community or country. This is not as immediately damaging as hatred but it is much more widespread and therefore deprives those persons who need love and acceptance. Nor only is love vital for satisfaction in our relationships, as a recent study of neglected Romanian orphans revealed, love is necessary for survival in our formative years. Love in infancy teaches us the basic trust that sets the stage for almost everything good that follows in each person's life. Some years ago, several of the nurses at Cook County Hospital in Chicago discovered, while caring for infants in the orphaned and abandoned children's ward there, that one of the beds apparently had supernatural powers. The last crib on the left in the ward, next to the broom closet, always held the healthiest, happiest child. They discovered that the infant's race, gender or nationality made no difference; the child in the end crib, over a two or three week period, had less colic, fewer infections and gained weight faster and went out sooner than any other kid in the ward. To say that this magic bed mystified the nurses and doctors was a major understatement, so they switched cribs and discovered it was not the bed but its position at the end of the long row that made the difference. The infants next to the broom closet always did best and were sent out for adoption the fastest of all. There was some skepticism at first but an examination of the infants' charts from the previous two or three years proved the nurses' point beyond any argument. It was more than a little spooky but they I deed found a magic place, next to the broom closet -- in which kids prospered best. And you know something they really had discovered the magic of love and life! They called in specialists who examined everything from the floor wax, to the heating vents and the soap used to wash the bedding. Nothing could be found except that the end spot had a little higher bacteria count because of -- you guessed it, the untidy broom closet's dust and drippings. When everything kept taking them back to the dirty broom closet, when everyone was going a little crazy, Molly Sullivan called in a behavioral detective who studied their data and immediately reported there must be a human factor they'd missed. Molly started snooping and in just one night discovered the mysterious healing force. It was a loving American Indian woman. Eleanor Bentbow was the night custodian, an Ojibwa grandmother, who worked the midnight to eight am shift through several of the wards. Her supplies were stored in the broom closet -- mops and brooms, solutions and waxes and soaps and cleaning rags stored beside the mysterious space occupied by the end crib. And, as Ma Bentbow worked through the long quiet night, she would pass back and forth, getting supplies for her different chores. As she came by, she'd stop by the end child, pat it a bit, tickle it under the chin, and if the duty nurse was gone from her station in the middle of the ward, snatch it to her ample bosom, rock it in her arms and sing it a few snatches of an old Ojibwa lullaby before kissing it good night and tucking it gently back to bed. Where it slept peacefully and grew strong because it had found an infant's sense of meaning in her love. It was all done, mind you, in direct violation of sound health principles, the laws of bacteriology and hospital regulations. Every night the loving grandmother spread bacteria, dust and muddy mop drippings all over the end kid. Along with her love! And life and love being what they are, the squeezings and dust didn't stand the chance of a snowball in July compared to her great loving heart! She was living and loving on a level that did not negate the science of Koch, Pasteur and Lister but indeed did transcend it. The nurses and doctors at Cook County understood this instantly and started writing that each child in the ward must receive so many minutes of Tender Loving Care (TLC) on every shift. And, incredibly, the illness and death rate in the ward plummeted -- swiftly fell far below the national average. Saints do indeed come in all sizes, shapes and colors! Another vital factor we must discuss in the beginning is that while the love and sexual intimacy a couple shares is vital to satisfaction, the physical attractions of our youthful years are never enough to carry a man and woman through a life-time. In our FULFILLMENT course, a companion program to this, we have written extensively about existential frustration and alienation that occurs when men and women fail to find a consistent sense of purpose in their lives. As you shall learn in the unit about changing personal circumstances, obviously, society is changing swiftly -- a majority of persons have difficulty trying to keep life on an even keel. Scholars like Carl Jung, Carl Rogers and Viktor Frankl write that we 20th-21st century urban souls become confused neurotic when we fail to find strong sources of meaning in our lives. We cannot even find happiness by seeking it -- happiness is a fleeting by-product of living a consistently meaningful life. Like sleep during a restless night, the harder we pursue happiness, the faster it flees from us. When we spend our years seeking happiness through pleasure, possessions, prestige and power -- lacking a sense of purpose in our activities and permanence in our relationships, life remains secular and pointless and becomes conflicted with confusion and discouragement. And that is simply too much to expect the sexual relationship of a man and woman to overcome. Humans need more -- we believe that each person requires the crucial support that comes from living a complete life -- that occurs through: Worshipping devoutly, relating warmly, serving faithfully, learning wisely, persevering bravely and playing enthusiastically. Love and friendship, and we surely don't know where to draw a precise line between the two, present a great paradox of existence and the more love you give away, even squandering it recklessly, the more love and friendship you gain. We've learned that we can love deeply and have compassion for as many people as we choose to love. There are no limits; there is no sexual scarcity although some neurotic people who fear and hate intimacy pretend there is so they shall not have to risk meeting their lover's needs. Of course, we also believe that chastity out of marriage and a monogamous relationship within marriage is by far the best, is the ideal for committed lovers. Unless we develop mature attitudes and high expectations, no marriage can succeed. Most young couples who divorce and put their children under great stress simply abandon their marriages much too soon. There is a great deal to be said for toughing it out through the learning curve, for becoming better partners rather than shopping around for some wonderful and perfect lover who will cater to your every whim. You shall have to become a spiritually maturing person to whom your partner can relate in love and friendship, without becoming your stooge. Hang on until both lovers become more maturity along life's journey. Actually, in marriage as in most of life, much satisfaction comes from showing up when needed, just being there on time for the people who love you. CHALLENGES Fear, anxiety and frustration hamper both women and men in their search for lasting love and friendship. Karen Horney wrote a fine book called THE NEUROTIC PERSONALITY OF OUR TIME. One key concept was that persons who grow up deprived of love, who are neurotic about loving relationships, often fail to develop the personal acceptance that true love needs in order to prosper. Meg Dalton had been abandoned by her father as a girl, sexually abused by her mother's lover when a teen-ager and was battling through a stormy marriage in her mid-twenties. She distrusted and feared men although she'd married Tom and had a little boy with him. Meg doubted, from her painful experiences, whether any man could ever be trusted wholeheartedly. She said: When my son slithered out of my body and I realized he was a male, I wept in frustration. My own child was one of those mysterious, dangerous "others". I doubted I could love him, could care for him as I would a girl. It was difficult to go beyond my old emotions and I fear he still feels my doubts Two men had failed Meg, her own father who cowardly ran away; who should have loved and supported her even if he would not remain married to his wife and also her mother's lover when he seduced her as a teen-ager. Of course Meg's mother was disturbed enough to stay with a ruthless man who'd abuse an unhappy adolescent for his own egoistic pleasure. Women are often the brains and minds of men and women really do nature with some significant differences as women usually love more readily than men do. Men have enormous macho problems with love -- some of then genetic and some cultural. Every mental hospital and prison in America is jammed with men who had an absolutely terrible childhood because their parents were too immature to rear healthy, happy kids. Of course, we do realize that a great deal of the parents' confusion and despair comes from the secular society we've created with our ideologies of greed. However, the alienation and frustration of the age does not lessen our responsibility to love those persons for whom we are responsible. A great many of our problems are eased when our lives become more satisfying, when we deliberately find sources of meaning for our lives. Roberta insists that women generally handle love better than men do. Jard agrees with her. The old European patriarchal system so dear too many fearful, primitive men is a disaster in our swiftly changing society. The concept of the father as the family's commanding officer who issues the commands in a military model, with the mother who carries them out as his executive officer and the children as rank and file soldiers who salute and obey without question, no longer works. Many macho men have a John Wayne/John Rambo attitude in which a real man loves nothing except perhaps his horse and his gun. They live with a tough arrogance that drives many women and children mad. Police officers and career soldiers who are among the most macho, swaggering men of our society -- tough guys who believe that serious social problems can be solved with a club and a gun. They are willing to use violence when they cannot intimidate others. Serious relationship problems are common among such men. Cops and soldiers have the highest divorce rates in the country today. If they cannot dominate and control, they are at a loss in keep their relationships sound. These include the aerial cowboys who got staggering drunk and assaulted even women naval officers in the Navy Tailhook scandal a few years ago; and the Army training officers and sergeants who went to prison for abusing their power over teenage female recruits by forcing them to have sexual relations with them. Many wives leave such men after a few years in search of less domineering mate -- but the tough guys are always the marrying kind. The men in the Chicago Police Department have been married by an average of three times before they have twenty years on the job. Most soon remarry and repeat the unhappy process several times before finally retiring with several families spread across the country. Many women have problems with love also. Some never seem to learn the difference between men who use and abuse them to Tend their needs and see the food is cooked -- as Mr. Doolittle sang in MY FAIR LADY -- and those who actually care about women per se. This difference between men who want sex while fearing and detesting the feminine characteristics that make a woman who she is -- and men who love women as women, puts many naive girls at risk in their search for love and acceptance. Every school we taught in had at least one woman teacher who was married to a janitor. With teaching being an avenue out of the lower economic classes into the middle class, a considerable proportion of women teachers marry laboring men. They are more comfortable with them than with upwardly mobile lawyers, physicians and managers. They can identify with a man who sits on the front steps and drinks beer from a can in his undershirt because their fathers had! And because their working class fathers often slapped their mothers around when frustrated, some tolerate their husbands' casual violence. After all, we are usually tempted to assume that life as we learned it is the way it should always be. It gets worse for many women. About one young woman in five has a major eating disorder that comes right out of our Hollywood culture and the way women are portrayed in movies and on television. They are caught in a vicious cycle of weight gain and loss that becomes harder and harder as their bodies try to protect them from starvation during their childbearing years. Far too many women become fixated in an impossible quest, dieting and bingeing, ignoring everything their bodies are trying to tell them, trying desperately to remain a seventeen year old idealized girl sold to American women and men by vested interest groups that will do anything to make money at our expense. Up to a quarter of the women in the U S and Canada are on diets at any given time because of pressure put on them by advertisers and the motion picture industry. We as a society are sending young women mixed messages. We are telling girls they can have wonderful careers, compete successfully with men in business have loving husbands and children -- as long as they look like movie stars. We believe it is their preoccupation with this impossible ideal that cripples so many girls from junior high school to the early college years. Before puberty, little girls run and play, plan great projects and have fabulous dreams about the future, anticipating lives of achievement and satisfaction. But as every teacher and school counselor knows, the onslaught of puberty destroys this happy anticipation for many girls. Grades fall, serious mood swings occur and many girls take lovers to prove to themselves they really are lovable. As a boy matures he sees his increased weight and size as a positive sign, he is becoming more competent in sports, more masculine. Sad to say, almost all girls are taught just the opposite by parents, teachers, counselors, and by the boys they've become fixated on. Research reveals that teachers -- even women teachers, expect more of boys in class and offer them many more opportunities to grow intellectually than they give girls. Almost every advertisement, every movie, every book, every boy, tells girls over and over again that any size or weight increase beyond the slenderness of a fashion model or movie star is a personal failure. Every girl who becomes anorexic or bulimic, we are convinced, is terrified of maturing into womanhood because the men and boys who define beauty have dictated for American women an impossible goal. Our ideal of beauty comes naturally to no more than six percent of all women. The rest have to starve and batter themselves in a life-long battle against nature. Anorexic girls are desperate to remain childlike, so they won't be humiliated by their broadening hips and breasts blooming into womanhood. They have accepted the current Hollywood fantasy of beauty so the boys will see them as desirable as movie stars. A moment with food on the lips -- is forever on the hips, has become American women's' nightmares as millions are torturing themselves in an unending struggle to look more attractive to men that detracts from everything else they try to accomplish and become. We're convinced that healing for women caught in this self-destruction cycle begins with a spiritual awakening and progresses through finding a lasting source of meaning that goes beyond a fixation with one's body shape. Dieting and re-dieting is terribly harmful. It leads to women as talented as Karen Carpenter and Sandra Dee killing themselves through self starvation in order to maintain an impossible ideal that adds neither more nor less to a woman's worth, ability to learn and potential for achievement. This comes from the legitimate need to be loved that has been co-opted by vested interests that want more and more money, power and prestige. Get into a spiritual fellowship where you feel you belong, find a spiritually minded lover and life shall be a great deal more satisfying than struggling futilely to remain seventeen for the rest of your life. Fortunately for lovers, the man and woman relationship of honest and accepting love is the best we've ever seen. As Ernest Becker wrote in his Pulitzer Prize winning book THE DENIAL OF DEATH, many humans do have serious problems with everything that is connected to our sexual needs. Nothing else in life has so many cultural and social restrictions and punishments that trouble us from infancy to old age. For a thousand years now, love, intimacy and sexuality have remained a deeply troubling aspect of life for a great many neurotic theologians and leaders within the church. Those aspects of life that give us sexual pleasure and produce our offspring have been very difficult for some priests and ministers to manage without turning cruel and violent. Thank God, some but not even most elements of the church have finally matured past the cruel medieval neuroticism that sees sexuality as an evil part of life that God hates. This ancient belief that sex is sinful and thus forbidden by God except for the concession to perpetuate the race came out of the raw neuroticism of powerful medieval churchmen who justified their psychopathic fear and hatred of women. We feel the greatest single sin of the institutional church, after blessing the vicious wars our political primitives orchestrate, has been its treatment of women. Husbands owned their wives and children legally and could treat them as private possessions without suffering the church's condemnation for a thousand years. Because so many medieval theologians narcissistically saw themselves as God's special holy men, who struggled to resist sexual temptation by lustful women, they tortured and murdered many unfortunate souls and turned all women into second rate believers. Burning women at the stake was a favorite way of controlling feisty females as the church did with Jeanne d' Arc and many others. Of course, only within the last fifty years or so has any religious hierarchy seen the lay members as forming the church rather than the clergy being the church. This has been true of Protestant denominations as well as the Catholic movement. It was well into the 20th century before the Methodist Church chose lay delegates to their annual conferences and committees. Not until the sixties did the Methodist, Lutheran and other denominations accept women as pastors. The Episcopalian church fought against female equality ferociously until the eighties, and according to Roberta, the Southern Baptists and Catholics still considers women inferior souls who cannot teach congregations anything of value. Apparently, she says, you must have a penis in order to think worthwhile spiritual thoughts -- in order to serve God! A loving couple that matures in faith, hope and love, through grace within the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life, will love far more deeply than they did during the simplistic and usually naive sexual urges of youth. Jard especially likes the way playwright Arthur Miller put it in his play AFTER THE FALL, Quentin (actually Miller himself) said to his wife Louise (Mary rather than Marilyn Monroe); I came in just now and I had a tremendous wish to come out to you. And you to me. It sounds absurd to say the world is filled with lovers rushing to meet each other. The city is filled with lovers! Indeed! Love will mature when we get past the domineering concepts that immature men and women use against each other because they have selfish needs to prove themselves superior at the partner's expense. Life seldom becomes rewarding until we become better persons rather than trying to shape the lover into something different. Of course, as Roberta says: It's every woman's duty to find a perfect man and immediately try to improve him. THE LOVE PYRAMID To be at its best, love must mature up through the motivational pyramid shown here. To stop in one of the lower tiers is to limit the joy a person can enjoy in a lasting relationship. Becoming *** PHILOSOPHICAL *** Purpose/Permanence Doing *** PSYCHOLOGICAL *** Power/Prestige Having *** PHYSICAL *** Pleasure/Pain PHYSICAL LOVE -- (Pleasure/Pain) Love that is limited to the physical aspects of a relationship is focused largely on arousal, passion and tension release. It makes little difference who the partner is. Any compliant body can be used, for the person is secondary to the pleasure being received by the user. Such physical passion can be shifted from one sexual supplier to another with little or no regret or concern, from one seduction to the next, as Joe Namath boasted when he slept with a thousand women in his first few years of playing professional football. Such a person can go from one prostitute to another, from one singles bar to the next, from a tryst with one lover to a new one. One night stands, sexual fantasies, pornographic movies and books and wily seductions occur within the physical aspects of love. When one person is used for another's pleasure, even if both agree in advance, it is little more than mutual masturbation. If the other person is abused or damaged in the relationship, he or she can be discarded and replaced with no more regret than for a piece of malfunctioning machinery. Many adolescents, in the first wild rush of sexuality, relate to one another at this primitive level. Unfortunately, many adults fail to mature beyond it. They continue romancing, marrying, divorcing and romancing again in a madcap search for a perfect partner, chasing the wild excitement of youth in a stage that needs a lot more stability in order to be satisfying. Only this morning as this chapter is being written, we attended the funeral of a friend who made a great deal of money through his knowledge and energy. Donald Knopf was as hard a worker as we've ever known, not only for himself but for the poor and needy of the community. He gave an enormous amount of time and money to helping people with problems. Nevertheless, as his friends and relatives filled the front pews, we've never seen such a complex mix of brothers and sisters, half sisters and brothers, cousins, in-laws and former wives in our lives. At the age of fifty-five Don was still falling in and out of love like a teen-ager, still drifting from one woman to the next, giving her several children before falling out of love and seeking a better partner. He never did think in terms of becoming a better husband and father rather than wanting a perfect lover who would let him feel the sexual excitement of youth again. He never matured into the second and third tier of a loving relationship and if he enjoyed a long succession of sexual partners, his dozen children from several families have had a difficult time growing up without a father. PSYCHOLOGICAL LOVE -- (Power/Prestige) In this aspect of a relationship, physical arousal, pleasure and satiation occurs as in the physical but the affection doesn't stop there. This is a deeper relationship that binds lovers together as they mature through the more complex needs and activities of adult love. The lovers not only desire one another for what each offers, but both have a deeper investment in the other's health and happiness. They trust each other with their egos, because loving another person makes you vulnerable as well as calling up protective feelings. This is the level at which many good marriages and love affairs function, especially in the more mellow middle years and while the lovers do care deeply about each other, they may still have difficult times. After all, while you and your lover love each other, differences of opinion and a variety of needs remain. Few couples never quarrel just because they love one another. Jard knew two young people who lived together as lovers without making the final commitment of marriage. Mildred was a graduate student in psychology and Henry an executive in a huge corporation. She said, when she was being offered a teaching and research job in a distant university: I love Harry, I really do, but he cannot leave town with me. Changing companies now would cost him a vice-presidency at 3 M and I cannot ask for that. But then, I cannot see that my research and teaching about childhood learning is any less importance to society than selling glue and sandpaper. If I insisted he come to Columbus, he's soon resent me and If I turned down my offer there to stay here with him, I'd soon feel I'd given up too much after having worked so hard for my doctorate. I have to be true to my own vision of a fulfilling life. Millie and Harry flew back and forth for a year or so but eventually drifted apart and met and married other lovers. Perhaps it was just as well they found someone else, for their careers meant more to them when they separated than the relationship. PHILOSOPHICAL LOVE -- (Purpose/Permanence) This third aspect of love includes the passion from the physical and the sense of belonging from the psychological as it continues to include crucial spiritual elements of a lasting love relationship. The lovers have matured beyond the limitations of psychological games that cause pain to become tender and compassionate. They live with a lasting sense of purpose and permanence in the affair for they know they belong together for life. The lovers support each other against all attackers; see the relationship as being spiritual and having mystical overtones. There is neither a desire to find a substitute sexual partner nor a determination to play a dominance game through which the lover is manipulated and used. Such a love affair has taken on a lovely patina of faith, hope and love as well as grace, a glow that is shared in mutual satisfaction. The development of love at this level takes time, although for many it comes long before the later stages of one's life. The whirling of two eccentric personalities around different centers of gravity sooner or later abraid a loving fit although for some time it may include considerable smoke and flying sparks! To best focus your love in the philosophical aspects of life, mature as a person and behave as a loving soul: BECOME WARM AND ACCEPTING OF YOUR LOVER -- Perceive the other as a viable and independent personality rather than as a second rate appendage to yourself. BECOME ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTIVE OF KEY CHOICES -- Help your lover become more and more knowledgeable and wise about life's opportunities. BECOME TOLERANT OF LIFE'S INEVITABLE GROWTH FRICTION -- No two persons ever mature at the same rate - one will grow, causing tension and only later will the other catch up. It's common for psychologists and counselors to recommend we accept the people we love for what they are. However, that isn't good enough for by accepting them as they already are, we may be condemning them to mediocrity. We must accept the persons we help for what they have the potential to become. Don't nag, of course, but help others mature consistently through the channels of fulfillment. Your spouse, your children and your friends and relatives deserve this of you. Always accept the fact that you can control only one half of a relationship, your half, while your lover controls his or her half. Trying to control another adult's half is a quick step to a relationship disaster for no individual worthy of love and respect will let a neurotic control freak dominate themselves, their children and their choices. Remember; The only way two lovers can agree all the time is when one them stops thinking. The only way to keep an accepting lover is to become an accepting lover. The fact that we disagree and occasionally quarrel doesn't mean we are not in love. Two people in the very elastic harness of marriage seldom mature at the same rate and that spells trouble in many relationships. A woman who's been a secretary for twenty years and comes home one evening to announce she's been accepted in a law school program is rocking her family's boat. So is the middle manager who informs his kids, attending an exclusive and expensive private school, that he's taking a year off work to write a novel, that they'll have to attend a public school and stop buying designer clothes. Growth friction can be compared to movement between the earth's great tectonic plates. The silent, hidden movement can be so slow as to remain invisible for a long time although stresses keep building. Finally, the pressures become greater than the resistance and the landscape lurches into motion as an earthquake. Sometimes windows are broken and crockery smashed. Some long-standing buildings cannot take the strain and they collapse. Just as many marriages do when the relationship cannot stand the changes occurring in them because the lovers mature at different speeds and in different directions. PROJECT ONE -- LOVE LEVEL IDENTIFICATION To discover the level of your love for another person, physical, psychological or philosophical, in the pleasure/pain, power/prestige or purpose/permanence aspects of existence, complete this project. FIRST -- Relax comfortably in a chair or on a bed. Visualize in your mind the image of the person you now love or most recently loved in an adult relationship. Think of the reasons you loved this person, recall his or her good points in the physical, psychological and philosophical aspects of life. Fix the image of that lover firmly in your mind. SECOND -- Accept the fact or a terrible tragedy. Through an automobile accident or an unexpected illness, your lover dies suddenly. He or she is gone - there's no doubt about it. You are left alone. Accept your loss, mourn it deeply, feel frustration and anger but in time you realize you must continue living. There is your job to do and children to love, friends to support -- so you start adapting despite the deep loss. THIRD -- Receive a great gift from God. Through the remarkable science of cloning, God offers you a perfect double of that dear, lost lover. The clone is perfect in every detail. He or she looks talks and thinks like the lover, makes love the same way and supports you in the same manner. He or she wants your support also. There is only one catch in your miracle. You and your newly restored lover didn't share the mutual experiences and relationships you had in the past. Both the good and the bad are missing from the relationship you and your original lover shared. You are starting at square one now. NOW -- To identify the level at which your current love is operating, transfer your love to the newly cloned lover. Tell how you shall do that. If you can readily transfer your love to the new lover, your love is operating at the pleasure/pain or physical level. If your love can be transferred with some new experiences and a growing relationship, it is functioning at the power/prestige or psychological level. If your love cannot be transferred without an entire galaxy of mutually satisfying experiences, your love is currently at the purpose/permanence or the philosophical level. Wisdom From The Fulfillment forum About the author: Jard & Roberta DeVille; Taught leadership psychology at the University of Arizona; published psychology books, seminars & psychological assessment instruments. They wrote 'Lovers For Life' and other Courses/books together. Visit http://www.fulfillmentforum.comfor FREE Courses and E-Commerce Tools.
Behind Pro-Anorexia Sites
Anorexia effects thousands of people each year, most whom are females ranging from the ages of 15-25.
With the boom of pro-anorexia sites, the media has portrayed its negative exploration of these such sites. With names such as "Love You to the Bones" and "Stick Thin Pixies" , these pro-anorexia sites provide a safe haven for people that live with anorexia.
Some of these sites display logo's such as "Anorexia-A Lifestyle, Not A Disease." and "Fatness Equals Imperfection" Clearly stating and signifying their proudness of being anorexic.
We were aloud to go behind the scenes at a few of these sites and study the need for these girls to attend pro-anorexia sites. Many of them say they go to these sites for the support of their peers that are in a similar situation such as theirs.
Below are a few interviews that were conducted by us to some of the girls that attend these sites. Please note that we do not promote anorexia in any way, shape, or form. We felt that instead of negativity, as the media has done, that these girls should have a chance as everyone else to speak their minds about the situation. We were going to edit the interviews into one article, but the girls' opinions and situations were so strong that we decided to include their whole interviews.
Anonymous - Story One
1- What is your age?
14
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Seriously trying, about 5 months now
3- How much do you weight?
A disgusting 139 (down from 165 though)
4- What is your goal weight?
Around 90 pounds, but I want to someday get down to 75.
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Probably fashion industry. I'd like to fit into those cute little clothes that they make just for skinny people.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
I think if you have the pre-disposition, yes it can be a factor
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
When you stop eating normally, you either don't eat enough or eat to much (bingeing). You lose a sense of 'in the middle'; one extreme or the other. I have to deal with the bingeing.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
Many would disagree, but I think it is a disease for some people, but for others (like me), we are *choosing* to do/continue with it.
9- How do you view anorexia?
If it progresses to a point, a disease, in the early stages, I view it as a lifestyle, something we should be allowed to continue with out harassment.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes, I do.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes and I run one too.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
To feel less alone, that there are other people out there too that struggle with the same things I do.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
If the affected person doesn't want help, who are you to say they have to get it? Yes it might be best for them, but you have no right to make that choice. If I want to view anorexia as a lifestyle, I can do that and you have no right/responsibility to change my mind for me.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
You say we lure people into this so-called life style. We do not and the fact that in some of your articles you list pro-anorexic web sites makes you no better than us. You say we are selfish and yet to get more readers you name off pro-anorexic groups and publish pictures off of our sites. You are no better than what you say we are. Pro-anorexia sites exist because we are tired of feeling alone and worthless. They are here to let people have the strength to get out of bed in the morning. You can put a anorexic in a hospital, threaten to tube feed them, but do you really think they will get better if *they* don't want to themselves? These sites keep people going emotionally and if they choose to get help, we support them 110%.
Darcy's Story
1- What is your age?
15
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Its only become a 'priority' in the last year or so. And the pro-ana is also only a very recent thing; I want to lose it fast.now
3- How much do you weight?
I honestly don't know, haven't stepped on a scale in 6 years. BUT I do know I'm over-weight, and this isn't a 'anorexic mind set here' people often say "you're a big girl". Yuck.
4- What is your goal weight?
I don't have one... but I do know I want to be sexy not skinny.... (maybe a little of both?) its more of a looking in the mirror than it is stepping on the scales thing...
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Probably looking at my gorgeous friends every day.... it makes me hate my body...
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Possibly... but I don't go in for crowd following/star worshipping....
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
I comfort eat BIG time, and I'm depressed, which means I have alot to comfort eat about! Sometimes I wonder if I have binge eating disorder.... anyway, that's it....
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
I actually think its one of the few terms that still holds meaning and hasn't been abused when it comes to 'mental illness' (not that I'm saying its a mental illness)
9- How do you view anorexia?
I'll be honest, I think I know what I'm getting into is kind of risky. There is a part of me screaming out "why do you want this disease". I'm not stupid. I KNOW it KILLS. I think maybe I'm relying on the fact that I have no self-control, to win out before it gets too much.. maybe I'm in denial.... There are borderline-anorexics who can live the life style, while still managing to go on, maintaining enough weight not to be hospitalized. I guess that's a life style. But when it goes to full out, bones showing, passing out, I'm not sure.... Sorry for the evasive answer...
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes. I used to be full of confidence but then I got heavily depressed and it all went out the window. 'low self esteem' isn't the right word. I actively HATE myself.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes all the time.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
To pass the 'not eating' time. To know I'm not alone. To find tips and tricks.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I'm not saying that it should, many people with it are sick, and need help. But there are others, who believe in what they're doing, who CHOOSE to live like that. It is their free right to that choice, and however much you may disagree, please PLEASE don't judge, and try to understand us.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
Not alot..... I mean, we're still going strong, its not a big deal to us.... but it does kinda isolate us y'know? its like "them and us", maybe pushing us back further into our own underground world. The things they say are ridiculous, laughable really. I mean, they haven't looked at the sites in any other way but the 'judgmental worried mother' eyes they know their readers want. really, all these shock stories are not needed for a relatively harmless thing.
15- Additional Comments:
For me, this isn't mainly about weight. Its alot about control. I feel so out of control in the rest of my life, this is something I need to do to show myself I can. I also self-injure, and starving myself is a form of that. I'm not saying I'm 'pro' self injury too, but without it I'd be dead by now, so who knows?
Stefanie's Story
1- What is your age?
I am an 18 yr. old
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Basically I first started having issues with my body image by fifth grade, I was limiting my food intake considerably and six grade was when I first started purging. For me it was never about bingeing it was just trying to throw up anything that might be inside of me ever sense then I have had long time periods of anorexia and when I have to eat is when I purge, so I would say I have had this problem for almost seven years.
3- How much do you weight?
Right now I'm currently at 92 lbs and 5'4.
4- What is your goal weight?
Right now my goal is maintaining this weight between 90 and 92 I don't want to see myself go above 95, but any more weight loss is welcomed.
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Basically what I have discovered that contributed to me starting all of this was that I have A.D.H.D and a degree of dyslexia my problems came in academics and in the classroom I had absolutely no control over my performance there were just certain subjects such as math and science I could never grasp. I was very popular, I played volleyball, basketball when I was on the court playing I was in control. But when my grades started dropping and I couldn't play on school teams because of academic probation and because of my math grade I lost that control, my grades caused enormous friction in my house with my parents I desperately needed to regain what I had lost so I turned to food, it was so easy to turn to something that I already felt so gross about even though I know I wasn't fat at the time I knew it could make me fat and I had to control that. So from then on when things in my life got out of my hands Food is what I have turned to by avoiding it at all costs even health. !
and once the cycle starts of not eating it takes over your life there is no stopping it no matter what every minute of every day I am dealing with it, the guilt, the shame, peoples opinions, my self view...it never goes away sometimes I wish I could just sleep for ever so it would leave my thoughts..
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Oh most definitely, it doesn't matter why you start starving yourself once you have begun the cycle it does become all about weight because when you loose weight you have this amazing high and when you gain you have enormous shame and guilt that ways so heavy on you. just the other night I was watching prime-time Thursday and an interview of Carre Otis was on, the supermodel who gained weight and is now a "plus size model" I think that its great that she is proud of her body and helping other girls with self image in what she is doing but while I was listening to her story and she was talking about how she was praised for her starvation and how she could loose 10 lbs in two weeks, she was saying all these things about her weight and how she was expected to be skinny and I was just sitting there thinking in my head she doesn't realize what she just did.. she gave the justification girls are looking for the praise she got when she was starving herself, and I know millions of g!
irls who were watching that are now thinking if it worked for her for 17 yrs it can work for me. It doesn't matter what else she said in that interview all those girls heard was the praise. So yes, media plays an enormous role in girls suffering from an eating disorder, magazines, TV shows, award shows, basically anything and anyone in the media who has the so called "perfect body" at the time is triggering girls all over to start dieting and some starvation. Also these talk shows such as Craig Kilborn who gloats about having the prettiest women on his show every week, girls watch those things and think ok I have to look like that for me to be pretty or oh she is skinny, I have to be skinny like that for a guy to view me that way it doesn't matter if she is already skinny and gorgeous if she doesn't see herself that way then anything will influence
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
The hardest thing I would say is hitting rock bottom, I am so over come with this disease sometimes that it affects every aspect of my life. I get so worn down with light headedness, nausea, and energy. Forget energy. Sometimes its all I can do to walk up my stairs and on top of that trying to cover up this huge secret that has literally taken over my life, its a 24-7 job covering my tracks and lying about what I eat and finding ways to not be around during meals and when I do eat immediately trying to find ways to get rid of the food I ate. It's a constant battle.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
The term anorexia I understand to be the textbook name for an eating disorder that I am said to have. To me I don't have anorexia. I have a life long burden, a disease that takes control over everything in my life. It starts out with you believing you are in control but somewhere along the line you no longer control it, it controls you. I never see this leaving my life and the stress it gives me sometimes can be beyond unbearable
9- How do you view anorexia?
"Anorexia" for me is my lifestyle I mean when you deal with something for so many years its habit and habits that you have been doing and working so hard to perfect I see as being almost impossible to overcome. For me it is something that is often times scary and can be mind altering. It is a disease that I struggle with every minute of every hour of every day. It never leaves.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes. Sometimes when I look at pictures of celebrities I see myself as being less adequate than they are.. but at times where I have lost weight that I wanted to loose and I weigh myself and just feel such satisfaction that day for achieving what I feel I needed to, and when I get compliments it provokes me to keep achieving weight loss and when I go out and my pants are a little loose or my skirt is loose on my hips its a great unexplainable high.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes, I do.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
I find it a release.. Here is a place I can go without being judged or looked at and have a forum to voice my feelings with people who are dealing with the exact same thing as me. I find encouragement and support.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I mean I just cant explain how hard it is to read and receive negativity from people who judge or comment rudely. You know anorexia is an incredibly hard thing to deal with and even harder to overcome no matter what I think that it is with you for life. And I feel that people shouldn't voice there opinions against something if they have never directly dealt with it. every day for me is a struggle and a battle.. and people who make fun of this disease are extremely ignorant. I mean it is obvious that Anorexia nervosa is a huge problem for woman and young girls in the united states today and I think that if people would stop for a second and try and educate themselves on why and what makes us feel the need to do this they would be less likely to criticize, and more willing to help and support.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
I understand how some people could be enraged by coming across pro eating disorder web sites and finding girls are encouraging each other and supporting each other and sharing tips. But if a girl needs to come to this site to start starving herself then I don't believe she has the disease. I go to these websites because I know that the girls I post things with are all dealing with the same things as I am, we all know that its not going to change for us this is life so why not share ideas, stories ask questions give tips. It helps me feel that I am not AOL net doesn't matter what I read because I know I have this disease already and everything I read and all the tips that I see they are already things I already know and have tried. These sites don't provoke they create a community where girls like I can go freely and spill our emotions concerns and beliefs on the matter without fearing someone is judging me or oh I cant say that. I cant go to my friends and be like, "I didn't!
eat today I need a source of protein but I don't want to eat a slab of meet anyone have any ideas what I can eat without feeling guilty?" sites for pro-ed help in that area we all know we have a secret that we don't want friends and family knowing and here we can talk anonymously and get the feed back we need. I think the media needs to rethink there criticism and do more of what you are trying to do. explaining the real story. I mean the media needs to face it yes we have eating disorders this is just a new level of support groups, that is in demand and extremely needed.
Anonymous #2
1- What is your age?
19
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Almost 2 years
3- How much do you weight?
No comment. Irrelevant. In fact, I do not know at the present. I am not weighing myself because it is too triggering. I'm trying to get better.
4- What is your goal weight?
LOWER, always far lower than the current weight. The goal is NEVER reached. When we reach a certain "goal", it isn't good enough, or low enough, and it is shifted once again
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
None of the superficial, external factors listed or commonly perceived to be the cause - it is about UNDERLYING issues, using anorexia as a coping mechanism, ironically. It is NEVER *really* about simply wanting to look like a supermodel or to impress. Certainly society's highly idealized body images can trigger a nation full of dieters, but for THIS ALONE to cause one to transcend the world of dieting and enter the realm of eating disorders, is impossible. NO ONE would sacrifice their life just for the sake of looking a little more like Kate Moss. They would only sacrifice their lives because they couldn't live with being THEMSELVES.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
answered above :)
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
Not quite sure what this means but if you are referring to the hardest part of suffering from anorexia...... It is the daily, relentless inward struggles, physical discomfort, feeling cold all the time, loss of menstruation, feeling weak, dizzy... The list could go on forever.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
It's a clinical term. It's a label. It is usually equated with emaciated women, being deathly thin. But what many people don't realize is that anorexia is a psychological disease with physical symptoms. It is about the mindset. People have died from anorexia without being deathly thin, and at reasonable weights. Starvation or extreme restriction causes terrible and irreversible damage to your body.
9- How do you view anorexia?
Answered above... disease/sickness
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
No, I do not.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
No way
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
These pro sites are terrible. People should be aware of the potential damage they can cause.
Alice's Story
1- What is your age?
I'm 16.
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
My whole life. But really trying for the 5 months or so.
3- How much do you weight?
103-109, depending on what I've eaten that day
4- What is your goal weight?
90 or less
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
I just think being extremely thin is beautiful. Some models in the fashion industry are beautiful and thin, but I don't look at them and say "I have to be like that". that's crap...that's just what everyone wants to hear from us. Its not the media, its yourself. I think when you can see someone's ribs, its sexy and beautiful.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Not at all. Although, if I wanted to be famous, I'm pretty sure id have to be thin, because its hard to be fat and famous. Who likes obese people? Seriously. Think about it. Looks are important to everyone FIRST. No one says "Oh, that girl looks like she has a great personality. It doesn't matter that she's 300lbs." Everyone says "That girl is hot" or whatever.
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
My mom. If she would stay out of everything, I could get to 90lbs, and then be happy. I'm not happy with my body, but she thinks I should be. Its such a pain to hide it from her too. She should just let me. LET ME BE THIN.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
Well, what else would I call it? Thin disease? I know what it means, I understand it. I am it
9- How do you view anorexia?
Its a lifestyle for me. Most people who are anorexic think of it that way, Unless they're some snobby person in an article who thinks she's hot stuff for "overcoming her disease". If you don't like it, don't do it moron. I LIKE it. it makes me feel good.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Not at all. I feel very loved usually. Plus, I don't care what people think. Most people don't believe that, because they think I'm trying to get thinner so "guys will like me" or some crap, but I'm doing it because I WANT TO be thinner. For myself. To love myself even more.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Oooh yes. I'm a member of every club there is. They give me tips, and they help, they give information on how to also stay healthy...they understand me like no one else does.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Same reasons as above. I hate it, just HATE it when Yahoo and other sites delete the pro-ana clubs because it promotes bad stuff, or whatever. Well, say the "anti-ana" sites OFFEND me. Will they delete them too? Nope.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I don't even know how to put it into words. All people here all the time is about the people who got so thin they almost died, or the people who over came it and what not. They never ever hear about the girl in New York who was anorexic, got to 100lbs, and became famous and HAPPY because she was happy with herself. They don't know about it ever, BUT IT HAPPENS.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
They're corporate America, and that's all there is to it. They don't mean anything to me, but everyone else who comes home and glues themselves to the TV thinks that they're right. Well...they're not. And if you disagree, you know nothing. I will never be Miss Corporate America's child. You shouldn't be either.
About The Author
"Ignore what other people think you like and listen to your heart, its your passions in life no one can rightfully criticize."
Tia is CEO of Client Centers, LLC, an internet and graphic service business based in Florida since 2000.
Tia Scott
CEO
Client Centers, LLC
www.clientcenters.com
www.clientcentersnetwork.com
With the boom of pro-anorexia sites, the media has portrayed its negative exploration of these such sites. With names such as "Love You to the Bones" and "Stick Thin Pixies" , these pro-anorexia sites provide a safe haven for people that live with anorexia.
Some of these sites display logo's such as "Anorexia-A Lifestyle, Not A Disease." and "Fatness Equals Imperfection" Clearly stating and signifying their proudness of being anorexic.
We were aloud to go behind the scenes at a few of these sites and study the need for these girls to attend pro-anorexia sites. Many of them say they go to these sites for the support of their peers that are in a similar situation such as theirs.
Below are a few interviews that were conducted by us to some of the girls that attend these sites. Please note that we do not promote anorexia in any way, shape, or form. We felt that instead of negativity, as the media has done, that these girls should have a chance as everyone else to speak their minds about the situation. We were going to edit the interviews into one article, but the girls' opinions and situations were so strong that we decided to include their whole interviews.
Anonymous - Story One
1- What is your age?
14
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Seriously trying, about 5 months now
3- How much do you weight?
A disgusting 139 (down from 165 though)
4- What is your goal weight?
Around 90 pounds, but I want to someday get down to 75.
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Probably fashion industry. I'd like to fit into those cute little clothes that they make just for skinny people.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
I think if you have the pre-disposition, yes it can be a factor
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
When you stop eating normally, you either don't eat enough or eat to much (bingeing). You lose a sense of 'in the middle'; one extreme or the other. I have to deal with the bingeing.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
Many would disagree, but I think it is a disease for some people, but for others (like me), we are *choosing* to do/continue with it.
9- How do you view anorexia?
If it progresses to a point, a disease, in the early stages, I view it as a lifestyle, something we should be allowed to continue with out harassment.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes, I do.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes and I run one too.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
To feel less alone, that there are other people out there too that struggle with the same things I do.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
If the affected person doesn't want help, who are you to say they have to get it? Yes it might be best for them, but you have no right to make that choice. If I want to view anorexia as a lifestyle, I can do that and you have no right/responsibility to change my mind for me.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
You say we lure people into this so-called life style. We do not and the fact that in some of your articles you list pro-anorexic web sites makes you no better than us. You say we are selfish and yet to get more readers you name off pro-anorexic groups and publish pictures off of our sites. You are no better than what you say we are. Pro-anorexia sites exist because we are tired of feeling alone and worthless. They are here to let people have the strength to get out of bed in the morning. You can put a anorexic in a hospital, threaten to tube feed them, but do you really think they will get better if *they* don't want to themselves? These sites keep people going emotionally and if they choose to get help, we support them 110%.
Darcy's Story
1- What is your age?
15
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Its only become a 'priority' in the last year or so. And the pro-ana is also only a very recent thing; I want to lose it fast.now
3- How much do you weight?
I honestly don't know, haven't stepped on a scale in 6 years. BUT I do know I'm over-weight, and this isn't a 'anorexic mind set here' people often say "you're a big girl". Yuck.
4- What is your goal weight?
I don't have one... but I do know I want to be sexy not skinny.... (maybe a little of both?) its more of a looking in the mirror than it is stepping on the scales thing...
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Probably looking at my gorgeous friends every day.... it makes me hate my body...
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Possibly... but I don't go in for crowd following/star worshipping....
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
I comfort eat BIG time, and I'm depressed, which means I have alot to comfort eat about! Sometimes I wonder if I have binge eating disorder.... anyway, that's it....
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
I actually think its one of the few terms that still holds meaning and hasn't been abused when it comes to 'mental illness' (not that I'm saying its a mental illness)
9- How do you view anorexia?
I'll be honest, I think I know what I'm getting into is kind of risky. There is a part of me screaming out "why do you want this disease". I'm not stupid. I KNOW it KILLS. I think maybe I'm relying on the fact that I have no self-control, to win out before it gets too much.. maybe I'm in denial.... There are borderline-anorexics who can live the life style, while still managing to go on, maintaining enough weight not to be hospitalized. I guess that's a life style. But when it goes to full out, bones showing, passing out, I'm not sure.... Sorry for the evasive answer...
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes. I used to be full of confidence but then I got heavily depressed and it all went out the window. 'low self esteem' isn't the right word. I actively HATE myself.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes all the time.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
To pass the 'not eating' time. To know I'm not alone. To find tips and tricks.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I'm not saying that it should, many people with it are sick, and need help. But there are others, who believe in what they're doing, who CHOOSE to live like that. It is their free right to that choice, and however much you may disagree, please PLEASE don't judge, and try to understand us.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
Not alot..... I mean, we're still going strong, its not a big deal to us.... but it does kinda isolate us y'know? its like "them and us", maybe pushing us back further into our own underground world. The things they say are ridiculous, laughable really. I mean, they haven't looked at the sites in any other way but the 'judgmental worried mother' eyes they know their readers want. really, all these shock stories are not needed for a relatively harmless thing.
15- Additional Comments:
For me, this isn't mainly about weight. Its alot about control. I feel so out of control in the rest of my life, this is something I need to do to show myself I can. I also self-injure, and starving myself is a form of that. I'm not saying I'm 'pro' self injury too, but without it I'd be dead by now, so who knows?
Stefanie's Story
1- What is your age?
I am an 18 yr. old
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Basically I first started having issues with my body image by fifth grade, I was limiting my food intake considerably and six grade was when I first started purging. For me it was never about bingeing it was just trying to throw up anything that might be inside of me ever sense then I have had long time periods of anorexia and when I have to eat is when I purge, so I would say I have had this problem for almost seven years.
3- How much do you weight?
Right now I'm currently at 92 lbs and 5'4.
4- What is your goal weight?
Right now my goal is maintaining this weight between 90 and 92 I don't want to see myself go above 95, but any more weight loss is welcomed.
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
Basically what I have discovered that contributed to me starting all of this was that I have A.D.H.D and a degree of dyslexia my problems came in academics and in the classroom I had absolutely no control over my performance there were just certain subjects such as math and science I could never grasp. I was very popular, I played volleyball, basketball when I was on the court playing I was in control. But when my grades started dropping and I couldn't play on school teams because of academic probation and because of my math grade I lost that control, my grades caused enormous friction in my house with my parents I desperately needed to regain what I had lost so I turned to food, it was so easy to turn to something that I already felt so gross about even though I know I wasn't fat at the time I knew it could make me fat and I had to control that. So from then on when things in my life got out of my hands Food is what I have turned to by avoiding it at all costs even health. !
and once the cycle starts of not eating it takes over your life there is no stopping it no matter what every minute of every day I am dealing with it, the guilt, the shame, peoples opinions, my self view...it never goes away sometimes I wish I could just sleep for ever so it would leave my thoughts..
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Oh most definitely, it doesn't matter why you start starving yourself once you have begun the cycle it does become all about weight because when you loose weight you have this amazing high and when you gain you have enormous shame and guilt that ways so heavy on you. just the other night I was watching prime-time Thursday and an interview of Carre Otis was on, the supermodel who gained weight and is now a "plus size model" I think that its great that she is proud of her body and helping other girls with self image in what she is doing but while I was listening to her story and she was talking about how she was praised for her starvation and how she could loose 10 lbs in two weeks, she was saying all these things about her weight and how she was expected to be skinny and I was just sitting there thinking in my head she doesn't realize what she just did.. she gave the justification girls are looking for the praise she got when she was starving herself, and I know millions of g!
irls who were watching that are now thinking if it worked for her for 17 yrs it can work for me. It doesn't matter what else she said in that interview all those girls heard was the praise. So yes, media plays an enormous role in girls suffering from an eating disorder, magazines, TV shows, award shows, basically anything and anyone in the media who has the so called "perfect body" at the time is triggering girls all over to start dieting and some starvation. Also these talk shows such as Craig Kilborn who gloats about having the prettiest women on his show every week, girls watch those things and think ok I have to look like that for me to be pretty or oh she is skinny, I have to be skinny like that for a guy to view me that way it doesn't matter if she is already skinny and gorgeous if she doesn't see herself that way then anything will influence
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
The hardest thing I would say is hitting rock bottom, I am so over come with this disease sometimes that it affects every aspect of my life. I get so worn down with light headedness, nausea, and energy. Forget energy. Sometimes its all I can do to walk up my stairs and on top of that trying to cover up this huge secret that has literally taken over my life, its a 24-7 job covering my tracks and lying about what I eat and finding ways to not be around during meals and when I do eat immediately trying to find ways to get rid of the food I ate. It's a constant battle.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
The term anorexia I understand to be the textbook name for an eating disorder that I am said to have. To me I don't have anorexia. I have a life long burden, a disease that takes control over everything in my life. It starts out with you believing you are in control but somewhere along the line you no longer control it, it controls you. I never see this leaving my life and the stress it gives me sometimes can be beyond unbearable
9- How do you view anorexia?
"Anorexia" for me is my lifestyle I mean when you deal with something for so many years its habit and habits that you have been doing and working so hard to perfect I see as being almost impossible to overcome. For me it is something that is often times scary and can be mind altering. It is a disease that I struggle with every minute of every hour of every day. It never leaves.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes. Sometimes when I look at pictures of celebrities I see myself as being less adequate than they are.. but at times where I have lost weight that I wanted to loose and I weigh myself and just feel such satisfaction that day for achieving what I feel I needed to, and when I get compliments it provokes me to keep achieving weight loss and when I go out and my pants are a little loose or my skirt is loose on my hips its a great unexplainable high.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Yes, I do.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
I find it a release.. Here is a place I can go without being judged or looked at and have a forum to voice my feelings with people who are dealing with the exact same thing as me. I find encouragement and support.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I mean I just cant explain how hard it is to read and receive negativity from people who judge or comment rudely. You know anorexia is an incredibly hard thing to deal with and even harder to overcome no matter what I think that it is with you for life. And I feel that people shouldn't voice there opinions against something if they have never directly dealt with it. every day for me is a struggle and a battle.. and people who make fun of this disease are extremely ignorant. I mean it is obvious that Anorexia nervosa is a huge problem for woman and young girls in the united states today and I think that if people would stop for a second and try and educate themselves on why and what makes us feel the need to do this they would be less likely to criticize, and more willing to help and support.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
I understand how some people could be enraged by coming across pro eating disorder web sites and finding girls are encouraging each other and supporting each other and sharing tips. But if a girl needs to come to this site to start starving herself then I don't believe she has the disease. I go to these websites because I know that the girls I post things with are all dealing with the same things as I am, we all know that its not going to change for us this is life so why not share ideas, stories ask questions give tips. It helps me feel that I am not AOL net doesn't matter what I read because I know I have this disease already and everything I read and all the tips that I see they are already things I already know and have tried. These sites don't provoke they create a community where girls like I can go freely and spill our emotions concerns and beliefs on the matter without fearing someone is judging me or oh I cant say that. I cant go to my friends and be like, "I didn't!
eat today I need a source of protein but I don't want to eat a slab of meet anyone have any ideas what I can eat without feeling guilty?" sites for pro-ed help in that area we all know we have a secret that we don't want friends and family knowing and here we can talk anonymously and get the feed back we need. I think the media needs to rethink there criticism and do more of what you are trying to do. explaining the real story. I mean the media needs to face it yes we have eating disorders this is just a new level of support groups, that is in demand and extremely needed.
Anonymous #2
1- What is your age?
19
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
Almost 2 years
3- How much do you weight?
No comment. Irrelevant. In fact, I do not know at the present. I am not weighing myself because it is too triggering. I'm trying to get better.
4- What is your goal weight?
LOWER, always far lower than the current weight. The goal is NEVER reached. When we reach a certain "goal", it isn't good enough, or low enough, and it is shifted once again
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
None of the superficial, external factors listed or commonly perceived to be the cause - it is about UNDERLYING issues, using anorexia as a coping mechanism, ironically. It is NEVER *really* about simply wanting to look like a supermodel or to impress. Certainly society's highly idealized body images can trigger a nation full of dieters, but for THIS ALONE to cause one to transcend the world of dieting and enter the realm of eating disorders, is impossible. NO ONE would sacrifice their life just for the sake of looking a little more like Kate Moss. They would only sacrifice their lives because they couldn't live with being THEMSELVES.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
answered above :)
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
Not quite sure what this means but if you are referring to the hardest part of suffering from anorexia...... It is the daily, relentless inward struggles, physical discomfort, feeling cold all the time, loss of menstruation, feeling weak, dizzy... The list could go on forever.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
It's a clinical term. It's a label. It is usually equated with emaciated women, being deathly thin. But what many people don't realize is that anorexia is a psychological disease with physical symptoms. It is about the mindset. People have died from anorexia without being deathly thin, and at reasonable weights. Starvation or extreme restriction causes terrible and irreversible damage to your body.
9- How do you view anorexia?
Answered above... disease/sickness
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Yes.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
No, I do not.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
No way
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
These pro sites are terrible. People should be aware of the potential damage they can cause.
Alice's Story
1- What is your age?
I'm 16.
2- How long have you been trying to lose weight?
My whole life. But really trying for the 5 months or so.
3- How much do you weight?
103-109, depending on what I've eaten that day
4- What is your goal weight?
90 or less
5- What has influenced you the most on trying to lose weight?
I just think being extremely thin is beautiful. Some models in the fashion industry are beautiful and thin, but I don't look at them and say "I have to be like that". that's crap...that's just what everyone wants to hear from us. Its not the media, its yourself. I think when you can see someone's ribs, its sexy and beautiful.
6- Do you think the media and "stardom" plays a role with how you feel about your body?
Not at all. Although, if I wanted to be famous, I'm pretty sure id have to be thin, because its hard to be fat and famous. Who likes obese people? Seriously. Think about it. Looks are important to everyone FIRST. No one says "Oh, that girl looks like she has a great personality. It doesn't matter that she's 300lbs." Everyone says "That girl is hot" or whatever.
7- What has been the hardest for you trying to lose weight?
My mom. If she would stay out of everything, I could get to 90lbs, and then be happy. I'm not happy with my body, but she thinks I should be. Its such a pain to hide it from her too. She should just let me. LET ME BE THIN.
8- How do you feel about the term "anorexia?"
Well, what else would I call it? Thin disease? I know what it means, I understand it. I am it
9- How do you view anorexia?
Its a lifestyle for me. Most people who are anorexic think of it that way, Unless they're some snobby person in an article who thinks she's hot stuff for "overcoming her disease". If you don't like it, don't do it moron. I LIKE it. it makes me feel good.
10- Do you see yourself as having low self esteem?
Not at all. I feel very loved usually. Plus, I don't care what people think. Most people don't believe that, because they think I'm trying to get thinner so "guys will like me" or some crap, but I'm doing it because I WANT TO be thinner. For myself. To love myself even more.
11- Do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Oooh yes. I'm a member of every club there is. They give me tips, and they help, they give information on how to also stay healthy...they understand me like no one else does.
12- If yes, why do you attend "pro-anorexia" sites?
Same reasons as above. I hate it, just HATE it when Yahoo and other sites delete the pro-ana clubs because it promotes bad stuff, or whatever. Well, say the "anti-ana" sites OFFEND me. Will they delete them too? Nope.
13- Is there any words you would like to say that could convince people that anorexia should be accepted as a lifestyle and not a disease?
I don't even know how to put it into words. All people here all the time is about the people who got so thin they almost died, or the people who over came it and what not. They never ever hear about the girl in New York who was anorexic, got to 100lbs, and became famous and HAPPY because she was happy with herself. They don't know about it ever, BUT IT HAPPENS.
14- Finally, if you had the chance to say how you felt about the media's negative exploitation of pro-anorexic sites, what would you say to them?
They're corporate America, and that's all there is to it. They don't mean anything to me, but everyone else who comes home and glues themselves to the TV thinks that they're right. Well...they're not. And if you disagree, you know nothing. I will never be Miss Corporate America's child. You shouldn't be either.
About The Author
"Ignore what other people think you like and listen to your heart, its your passions in life no one can rightfully criticize."
Tia is CEO of Client Centers, LLC, an internet and graphic service business based in Florida since 2000.
Tia Scott
CEO
Client Centers, LLC
www.clientcenters.com
www.clientcentersnetwork.com
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